


Tap tap tap

by MakennaSweets1967



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Coming Out, Homophobia, Hurt Dean Winchester, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, M/M, National Coming Out Day, sam Winchester is good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26963548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967
Summary: Any second now Dean thought I’ll do it I’ll tell them. Any second he says again stirring the food on his plate. Mary’s casserole Dad’s favorite dish, for his birthday. The whole reason him Sammy, mom and Dad are all here together in the first place.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 110





	Tap tap tap

**Author's Note:**

> This is slightly based on things in my own head. Also it’s national coming out day so I wanted to write it for that I hope it’s not to bad.

Tap 

Tap 

Tap 

The repetitive sound of Dean’s finger tapping against the wooden table. Although everyone was talking around him it was all he could hear. 

The constant trepidation, eating him up. Dean shifted in his seat again. Studying the table in front of him but not daring to look up at his families faces. The square table had a white runner across the middle and a single orange rose in a small vase in the center. 

Any second now Dean thought I’ll do it I’ll tell them. Any second he says again stirring the food on his plate. Mary’s casserole Dad’s favorite dish, for his birthday. The whole reason him Sammy, mom and Dad are all here together in the first place. 

His stomach groans, the groan he’s been suppressing from his mouth. Nope never mind he can’t. 

“I have to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Dean says with wide eyes. Nearly tripping over his chair as he goes, Dean practically bolts out of the room. 

He slams the bathroom door closed, heaving against the door. He hastily grabbed his phone from his pocket with shaky hands. Pressing his favorites and pressing again when he saw Castiel his best friends number appear on the screen. 

Yes he’s pathetic, he knows it. Always calling or texting Cas when he’s not doing well because he knows it’ll make him smile. 

Can you blame him though they have been friends since 7th grade. Sure it’s more than that because Dean realized he was hopelessly in love with his best friend freshman year of college. Yeah he had jumped at the chance to move in with him a year later. But none of that matter more than the hope he now has after Cas broke up with his long term boyfriend Balthazar a few months back. 

As the phone rings loudly in his hand he realizes how even that is pathetic.

When the phone clicks on with Cas’s acceptance on the other end of the line Dean’s already rushing out all the thoughts in his head “I can’t do it Cas! I can’t tell them! They are all smiling and talking and I can’t ruin that! I ca-“ 

“Dean” Cas snaps lightly reeling Dean back in from the deep end “you can” 

There is something so easing and believable in his voice or maybe it’s just because he’s Cas. Still in his childhood home a home that was so loving. Yet one where he felt he could never really speak his truths “but I can’t though, you remember how hard it was for me to talk to them about college. I can’t do this.” 

“I know Dean I remember” Cas sighed “but look where you are you are about to graduate with a degree in computer science and your parents can suck it. Plus remember what I told you back then, I believe in you.” 

Dean felt his heart jolt a the sincerity of Cas’s words “Thank you Cas. But this is different man” 

“No, I still believe.” Cas paused letting out what Dean recognized as his sad sigh before continuing “one day when you find the perfect guy like... Don’t you want to be able to take them home and show your family”

Dean for a moment thought about what it would be like to take Cas home and introduce him as his boyfriend. That, that would be worth walking through hell in Dean’s opinion, “Yeah I do, how do I do it though. What am I supposed to say, hey guys guess what I’m bisexual and I’m in love with my- erm I mean I’m in love with dicks too.” 

Dean could practically feel Cas’s head tilt through the phone as he flushed. 

“In love-“ Cas started but was quickly cut off by the sound of the bathroom door squeaking open. 

“Dean” Sam said, Dean snapped around his heart stopping in his chest he couldn’t move. 

“I’ll call you back Cas” he hardly managed to mumble clicking off his phone. 

“Dean” Sam, his little brother who isn’t so little anymore repeated. 

Dean clutched his phone tighter “You heard that?” 

Sam nodded “Is it true are you bi?” 

Dean raked a hair through his hair, casting his eyes to the ground “yes” he barely mumbled it. 

“Okay” Sam grinned, nudging him with his arm. 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah okay. I don’t care who you date dude . You’re still my brother. That’s not going to change no matter what mom or dad says.” Sam laughed as if his Dean hadn’t just rocked his world. Because he hadn’t it didn’t really matter. 

Dean grinned pulling Sam in for a hug “Thanks Sammy” 

“Of course” 

That’s how Dean found himself back at the dinner table tapping his fingers against the wooden table again. This time Sam kept sending him reassuring looks. Occasionally nudging him with his foot. 

“Mom dad” Dean looked at them both individually for a moment “I have to tell you something” 

Mary smiled at him, while John just stared blankly towards him “Go on son” 

“I-I am bisexual, I like both girls and guys.” Finally this huge secret he had kept from his parents for years finally came out. He didn’t dare look up at their reactions he just sighed in relief. 

Mary frowned “honey are you sure? I can stick a few girls in front of you.”

“What?” Dean said exasperated, looking at Mary’s perplexed face “I like both so sure if you stick a girl in front of me I’ll like her but that’s not the point.” 

Just like that it hadn’t even been but a sentence and Dean wanted to recoil in on himself. He wanted to take it back and forget about it. What was the point anyways. 

Mary shook her head again while Sam just gave a sympathetic smile. Dean slowly dared to look at John. He could see it in his eyes the rage the hatred. 

“Damn it boy” John cursed slamming his fist on the table, to which Dean jumped “I knew it, I know that gay boy Castiel was no good. This is all his fault.” 

“No” Dean began to argue but he was right he would never of had the courage to admit it before “Yeah but he isn’t the reason for this sure it’s how I realized it, but dad this isn’t a choice for me. It’s not a disease that can be spread, I just got opened up to the possibility.” 

John shook his head narrowing his eyes “no, no we can fix this. I won’t have no son of mine, with another - man” he spat out the word with venom laced on his tongue. 

Everything went silent inside of Dean, there was just nothing for a moment. Everything he had slowly constructed over the last four years with finding out. Finally admitting it to Cas, Cas who is so comfortable and so determined with his sexuality. Then to Sam. It all just shattered right there. Whooshing away. 

“Well then I guess I’m not your son anymore.” Dean stated with a voice so flat and icy he didn’t even recognize it was his own. There was just nothing. He got up from the table ignoring everything. 

Suddenly he was home, he wasn’t even sure how he got there but he opened up the door. Standing there was Cas. His Best friend. He tumbled into his arms. 

“why” Deans voice slurred slightly as Cas wrapped his arms around him ”Why do people care, why does he care? It's not their life. I don’t understand. Why is it wrong, because our genitals are the same. I don’t understand.” 

By the time Dean finished rambling his words were hardly audible over the sob wracking through his body. His hands clung to the the back of Cas’s shirt. He stuffed his face in the crook of Cas’s shoulder.

For a moment Cas seemed confused but he quickly caught on. 

“I don’t know, Dean. I don’t know why they care.” Cas repeated softly, letting Dean break letting him fall apart in his arms. Glad that Dean knew he would be right there to put him back together, but pained knowing Dean hurt this much “I don’t know why people care. It’s not wrong Dean you are not wrong, it doesn’t matter what he says and what he thinks. Because I see you the person you are and the people that care are stuck and they may always be but what matters is you. I am proud of you.” 

Dean sighed into the hug inhaling Cas’s scent, the sandy smell grounding him “Thank you Cas. I just feel- Sam accepted it, but mom and dad. They shattered me Cas with three frickin sentences - maybe I should take it back.” 

Cas pulled Dean back holding him by the shoulders a fierce determination in his eyes “no Dean, you can’t just shove yourself back into the closet and hide. This is a part of who you are. No matter if they accept it or not.” 

Dean frowned, these were all good points. He took a step back and braced himself “but there’s no point if I can’t have you.” 

Cas frowned this time stepping forwards “you have me Dean and Sam.” 

Shaking his head a sad sort of laughter came from his throat “No I mean - god Cas.” He tugged at his hair “when you said if I told them I could bring home the perfect person and introduce them as my boyfriend. All I could think was you. But I know you don’t feel the same so what’s the point.” 

Cas pulls away slightly cupping his hand under Dean’s chin “I love you Dean” 

Tears broke in Dean’s eyes “Don’t say that Cas, I don’t need your pity.” 

Dean pushed Cas away but Cas only gripped tighter to his wrists “I don’t pity you Dean, I’ve been in love with you. Fuck probably since the seventh grade.”

More tears sprung from Dean’s eyes but also a smile.

“Cas” Dean whispered, pressing his lips against Cas’s. The kiss almost taste like salt water taffy, and it was perfect. Gentle and sweet, with love and compassion. No urgency just feelings. And when they broke apart their foreheads leaning together Dean spoke again his voice quivering “I - I love you too Cas, but I don’t deserve you.” 

Cas frowned, “You don’t get to decided that Dean. I love you and I want you and only you for as long as you’ll have me.” 

Dean wrapped his arms back around Cas sighing “I guess I’ll have you forever then.”

**Author's Note:**

> You are valid. Stay strong and keep fighting. 
> 
> \- Makenna sweets


End file.
